It hadn't occurred to her that this trust issue might go two ways. Or even any ways at all. Here they both are, trying to extend trust to the other one and butting up again the fact that they're not being fully trusted. It's only in that moment that Masaki realizes that one of them needs to take that step, or they're both going to get nowhere with this.
She takes a step closer to him, coming close enough to touch his cheek and direct his gaze back to her. "... There's three Shinigami that I can tell. Justin you know, the boy two houses down from you is another, and I haven't run into the third yet. At the very least, they haven't been hanging around us since I got my power back, that's all I know. Aside from those three, there's nothing else. No hollows. Not even any spirits. Everything that you can see, that's everyone that's here."
She pauses at the end of that, something sitting on the tip of her tongue. A second passes, then another. And then finally, "I'm sorry for not trusting you. I let my fear for you get in the way of that. But I'll try to do better. So don't be afraid to trust me, too. Okay?"
He blinks as he's forced-- gently-- to look her way again. He's always a little afraid when she gets this close. Afraid for her. Afraid for himself. He wonders if she can tell.
Three shinigami. It's a lot and not a horrifyingly large amount at once. That he knows one helps-- if Justin can be called that. There's no hollows. There's no dead, and so no chance of anyone turning hollow. For now, she's safe. From outside threat. He swallows.
Surprise flashes across his face with her apology. A brief flicker of breathless hope darts behind it. His brows knit but not in anger. He looks down, bobbing his head mutely with his mouth pressed to a line. He breathes the barest reassurance; "I'm trying."
He covers his face with a hand, to rub away that tension from his eyes and hide himself for a moment. He needs to collect himself and breathe. "I know I don't..." He makes a face. "Mesh with people like you and Ichigo. But I at least mean to do what I think is best. For you. I'm not saying I haven't screwed up before, but you can at least count on me to be thinking the logical paths there, if I am thinking." And that awkward clunky half-promise, he hopes, might count a fair trade.
She's silent for a moment, taking in his words and watching the expressions on his face. Slowly, she nods her understanding. He might hide from her behind his hand, but her gaze never leavves his face, her own expression compassionate but determined.
"I'll keep that in mind." A beat passes, and she adds: "Thank you. For trying."
She knows it must be hard for him, but considering everything that he has to work with and to fight against, it still surprises her sometimes how good he can be. "I think... you mesh better than you think you do." She smiles at him then, maybe a little wary from the fragile progress they've made--but still holding the same warmth that it always does.
Once it's actually said, It feels like more credit than he's earned. Hell if he hasn't wanted for what he did to be good enough for once. But maybe he can just never be satisfied with how things go either way.
Either way, he certainly wouldn't consider himself good.
He lifts a brow at her a little and lets his hand fall slowly away. "You real sure about that? I think we could find a few things we disagree on," He says wryly, but, despite himself, a bit or a smirk starts to pull through.
This feels... a little better. Which means he can turns his thoughts onto other topics for a second. "Hey... about Justin. He gave me the impression he was some kind of hollow. And to your senses he's a shinigami. But he and that guy say he's a weapon. Do you think he might be like..." me? It's not the first time he's wondered that about someone. But he's usually been wrong.
Despite his contrariness, he seems to have worked out whatever bitterness had lodged itself into his mood. He starts to smirk, and she smiles wider in response, finding it hard not to reciprocate his better mood.
Though the good humor dies a little, fading into a more thoughtful expression when he brings up Justin again. She seems to get the idea of where his thoughts are heading, but she's not sure how to answer the unspoken part of his question. "I... don't know the answer to that. I barely know anything about Shinigami in the first place. He... I guess he might seem kinda hollow-ish; but he's nothing like I've ever run into. I know you don't think much of him, but he was kind to me. He offered his help with setting up my archery target, and we chatted about the trees here and about his world a bit."
All of which is to say that she doesn't think he's like normal hollows. Not anymore than Zangetsu is--so maybe... He might be onto something.
"The other Shinigami--the boy... He's a little odd, too. Not like Justin, but..." She hesitates a moment, glancing at Zangetsu and then looking away again. "I told him I was a Quincy. He didn't know what that was. He could also tell that I'm... not supposed to be alive. But he didn't seem to mind that, either. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone else."
"He could tell you're not..." His voice catches on the words he won't say. "But you are alive! How could he even tell something like that? You're here! I can see you!" If she were a ghost or just... gone... then they wouldn't be having this conversation.
He doesn't know why that bothers him so much. Perhaps that, if the kid thinks it's definite, then maybe it could be. Just another case of fate chewing up the people caught in its gears. And... that brings to question how much she remembers. He doesn't want her to remember that, the gruesome details of what exactly happened. He doesn't want that image in his head himself.
He folds his arms and frowns at the floor. "People here have said they've died before. Not like... you, or even me, but in whatever worlds they were taken to. I was told they got 'brought back' somehow. Like that magician guy did." His head shakes a little. "This place doesn't make sense." And usually he's able to roll with that, just go with the horrible flow like he does in his own life. "This guy not knowing Quincy and that weird skeleton world. I thought Justin was just an annoying jerk before but he mentioned eating souls on the bulletin like it didn't even matter. I'm waiting for him to be like--" Aizen. "--someone else. Or for this world to be some kind of sick game again. I don't know. I don't like this."
He takes that harder than she thought he would, spilling a number of concerns that she hadn't even known were on his mind. Doubts about their fellow villagers, doubts about this village in general. She sees the way it makes a spiral around him, pressing in with uncertainty.
She reaches out to take his hands, pulling his arms out of the crossed position over his chest. "The way I see it... It doesn't matter if we don't know what this place is about. If we can't do anything about it, then that's all there is. All we really need to do is keep moving forward--right?"
There's already so few rules to his existence, so many lines crossed and broken, things thrown into doubt. Maybe he's just tired. Maybe he just needs some manner of ground that's solid.
She pulls his arms apart and takes his hands in hers, and he looks up and listens. Then laughs a little to himself because she's right.
"Yeah. Yeah of course we do. No point in stopping and wallowing, we keep going. Like we always do." That's something solid. That's something that's theirs, their family's. It's the old man's and even his. That's something to hang onto. He hangs onto her hands. "I guess it's been a while since I could put that to use. Next time I'll remember."
Next time I'll remember. She smiles at that, warm and happy. It's not a lot, but it's something. It's them and their family. It's knowing that no matter how dark the horizon looks, as long as they keep going and keep pressing forward, it'll get brighter.
"Good. But if you don't, I'll be here to remind you." She squeezes his hands.
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no subject
Date: 2018-07-07 10:09 pm (UTC)She takes a step closer to him, coming close enough to touch his cheek and direct his gaze back to her. "... There's three Shinigami that I can tell. Justin you know, the boy two houses down from you is another, and I haven't run into the third yet. At the very least, they haven't been hanging around us since I got my power back, that's all I know. Aside from those three, there's nothing else. No hollows. Not even any spirits. Everything that you can see, that's everyone that's here."
She pauses at the end of that, something sitting on the tip of her tongue. A second passes, then another. And then finally, "I'm sorry for not trusting you. I let my fear for you get in the way of that. But I'll try to do better. So don't be afraid to trust me, too. Okay?"
no subject
Date: 2018-07-07 11:05 pm (UTC)Three shinigami. It's a lot and not a horrifyingly large amount at once. That he knows one helps-- if Justin can be called that. There's no hollows. There's no dead, and so no chance of anyone turning hollow. For now, she's safe. From outside threat. He swallows.
Surprise flashes across his face with her apology. A brief flicker of breathless hope darts behind it. His brows knit but not in anger. He looks down, bobbing his head mutely with his mouth pressed to a line. He breathes the barest reassurance; "I'm trying."
He covers his face with a hand, to rub away that tension from his eyes and hide himself for a moment. He needs to collect himself and breathe. "I know I don't..." He makes a face. "Mesh with people like you and Ichigo. But I at least mean to do what I think is best. For you. I'm not saying I haven't screwed up before, but you can at least count on me to be thinking the logical paths there, if I am thinking." And that awkward clunky half-promise, he hopes, might count a fair trade.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-09 11:06 pm (UTC)"I'll keep that in mind." A beat passes, and she adds: "Thank you. For trying."
She knows it must be hard for him, but considering everything that he has to work with and to fight against, it still surprises her sometimes how good he can be. "I think... you mesh better than you think you do." She smiles at him then, maybe a little wary from the fragile progress they've made--but still holding the same warmth that it always does.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-10 06:08 pm (UTC)Either way, he certainly wouldn't consider himself good.
He lifts a brow at her a little and lets his hand fall slowly away. "You real sure about that? I think we could find a few things we disagree on," He says wryly, but, despite himself, a bit or a smirk starts to pull through.
This feels... a little better. Which means he can turns his thoughts onto other topics for a second. "Hey... about Justin. He gave me the impression he was some kind of hollow. And to your senses he's a shinigami. But he and that guy say he's a weapon. Do you think he might be like..." me? It's not the first time he's wondered that about someone. But he's usually been wrong.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-11 12:41 am (UTC)Though the good humor dies a little, fading into a more thoughtful expression when he brings up Justin again. She seems to get the idea of where his thoughts are heading, but she's not sure how to answer the unspoken part of his question. "I... don't know the answer to that. I barely know anything about Shinigami in the first place. He... I guess he might seem kinda hollow-ish; but he's nothing like I've ever run into. I know you don't think much of him, but he was kind to me. He offered his help with setting up my archery target, and we chatted about the trees here and about his world a bit."
All of which is to say that she doesn't think he's like normal hollows. Not anymore than Zangetsu is--so maybe... He might be onto something.
"The other Shinigami--the boy... He's a little odd, too. Not like Justin, but..." She hesitates a moment, glancing at Zangetsu and then looking away again. "I told him I was a Quincy. He didn't know what that was. He could also tell that I'm... not supposed to be alive. But he didn't seem to mind that, either. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone else."
no subject
Date: 2018-07-11 11:42 am (UTC)He doesn't know why that bothers him so much. Perhaps that, if the kid thinks it's definite, then maybe it could be. Just another case of fate chewing up the people caught in its gears. And... that brings to question how much she remembers. He doesn't want her to remember that, the gruesome details of what exactly happened. He doesn't want that image in his head himself.
He folds his arms and frowns at the floor. "People here have said they've died before. Not like... you, or even me, but in whatever worlds they were taken to. I was told they got 'brought back' somehow. Like that magician guy did." His head shakes a little. "This place doesn't make sense." And usually he's able to roll with that, just go with the horrible flow like he does in his own life. "This guy not knowing Quincy and that weird skeleton world. I thought Justin was just an annoying jerk before but he mentioned eating souls on the bulletin like it didn't even matter. I'm waiting for him to be like--" Aizen. "--someone else. Or for this world to be some kind of sick game again. I don't know. I don't like this."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-08 01:44 pm (UTC)She reaches out to take his hands, pulling his arms out of the crossed position over his chest. "The way I see it... It doesn't matter if we don't know what this place is about. If we can't do anything about it, then that's all there is. All we really need to do is keep moving forward--right?"
no subject
Date: 2018-08-08 02:01 pm (UTC)She pulls his arms apart and takes his hands in hers, and he looks up and listens. Then laughs a little to himself because she's right.
"Yeah. Yeah of course we do. No point in stopping and wallowing, we keep going. Like we always do." That's something solid. That's something that's theirs, their family's. It's the old man's and even his. That's something to hang onto. He hangs onto her hands. "I guess it's been a while since I could put that to use. Next time I'll remember."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-09 05:40 pm (UTC)"Good. But if you don't, I'll be here to remind you." She squeezes his hands.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-09 06:26 pm (UTC)That's more than enough.