Once it's actually said, It feels like more credit than he's earned. Hell if he hasn't wanted for what he did to be good enough for once. But maybe he can just never be satisfied with how things go either way.
Either way, he certainly wouldn't consider himself good.
He lifts a brow at her a little and lets his hand fall slowly away. "You real sure about that? I think we could find a few things we disagree on," He says wryly, but, despite himself, a bit or a smirk starts to pull through.
This feels... a little better. Which means he can turns his thoughts onto other topics for a second. "Hey... about Justin. He gave me the impression he was some kind of hollow. And to your senses he's a shinigami. But he and that guy say he's a weapon. Do you think he might be like..." me? It's not the first time he's wondered that about someone. But he's usually been wrong.
Despite his contrariness, he seems to have worked out whatever bitterness had lodged itself into his mood. He starts to smirk, and she smiles wider in response, finding it hard not to reciprocate his better mood.
Though the good humor dies a little, fading into a more thoughtful expression when he brings up Justin again. She seems to get the idea of where his thoughts are heading, but she's not sure how to answer the unspoken part of his question. "I... don't know the answer to that. I barely know anything about Shinigami in the first place. He... I guess he might seem kinda hollow-ish; but he's nothing like I've ever run into. I know you don't think much of him, but he was kind to me. He offered his help with setting up my archery target, and we chatted about the trees here and about his world a bit."
All of which is to say that she doesn't think he's like normal hollows. Not anymore than Zangetsu is--so maybe... He might be onto something.
"The other Shinigami--the boy... He's a little odd, too. Not like Justin, but..." She hesitates a moment, glancing at Zangetsu and then looking away again. "I told him I was a Quincy. He didn't know what that was. He could also tell that I'm... not supposed to be alive. But he didn't seem to mind that, either. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone else."
"He could tell you're not..." His voice catches on the words he won't say. "But you are alive! How could he even tell something like that? You're here! I can see you!" If she were a ghost or just... gone... then they wouldn't be having this conversation.
He doesn't know why that bothers him so much. Perhaps that, if the kid thinks it's definite, then maybe it could be. Just another case of fate chewing up the people caught in its gears. And... that brings to question how much she remembers. He doesn't want her to remember that, the gruesome details of what exactly happened. He doesn't want that image in his head himself.
He folds his arms and frowns at the floor. "People here have said they've died before. Not like... you, or even me, but in whatever worlds they were taken to. I was told they got 'brought back' somehow. Like that magician guy did." His head shakes a little. "This place doesn't make sense." And usually he's able to roll with that, just go with the horrible flow like he does in his own life. "This guy not knowing Quincy and that weird skeleton world. I thought Justin was just an annoying jerk before but he mentioned eating souls on the bulletin like it didn't even matter. I'm waiting for him to be like--" Aizen. "--someone else. Or for this world to be some kind of sick game again. I don't know. I don't like this."
He takes that harder than she thought he would, spilling a number of concerns that she hadn't even known were on his mind. Doubts about their fellow villagers, doubts about this village in general. She sees the way it makes a spiral around him, pressing in with uncertainty.
She reaches out to take his hands, pulling his arms out of the crossed position over his chest. "The way I see it... It doesn't matter if we don't know what this place is about. If we can't do anything about it, then that's all there is. All we really need to do is keep moving forward--right?"
There's already so few rules to his existence, so many lines crossed and broken, things thrown into doubt. Maybe he's just tired. Maybe he just needs some manner of ground that's solid.
She pulls his arms apart and takes his hands in hers, and he looks up and listens. Then laughs a little to himself because she's right.
"Yeah. Yeah of course we do. No point in stopping and wallowing, we keep going. Like we always do." That's something solid. That's something that's theirs, their family's. It's the old man's and even his. That's something to hang onto. He hangs onto her hands. "I guess it's been a while since I could put that to use. Next time I'll remember."
Next time I'll remember. She smiles at that, warm and happy. It's not a lot, but it's something. It's them and their family. It's knowing that no matter how dark the horizon looks, as long as they keep going and keep pressing forward, it'll get brighter.
"Good. But if you don't, I'll be here to remind you." She squeezes his hands.
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no subject
Date: 2018-07-10 06:08 pm (UTC)Either way, he certainly wouldn't consider himself good.
He lifts a brow at her a little and lets his hand fall slowly away. "You real sure about that? I think we could find a few things we disagree on," He says wryly, but, despite himself, a bit or a smirk starts to pull through.
This feels... a little better. Which means he can turns his thoughts onto other topics for a second. "Hey... about Justin. He gave me the impression he was some kind of hollow. And to your senses he's a shinigami. But he and that guy say he's a weapon. Do you think he might be like..." me? It's not the first time he's wondered that about someone. But he's usually been wrong.
no subject
Date: 2018-07-11 12:41 am (UTC)Though the good humor dies a little, fading into a more thoughtful expression when he brings up Justin again. She seems to get the idea of where his thoughts are heading, but she's not sure how to answer the unspoken part of his question. "I... don't know the answer to that. I barely know anything about Shinigami in the first place. He... I guess he might seem kinda hollow-ish; but he's nothing like I've ever run into. I know you don't think much of him, but he was kind to me. He offered his help with setting up my archery target, and we chatted about the trees here and about his world a bit."
All of which is to say that she doesn't think he's like normal hollows. Not anymore than Zangetsu is--so maybe... He might be onto something.
"The other Shinigami--the boy... He's a little odd, too. Not like Justin, but..." She hesitates a moment, glancing at Zangetsu and then looking away again. "I told him I was a Quincy. He didn't know what that was. He could also tell that I'm... not supposed to be alive. But he didn't seem to mind that, either. He promised he wouldn't tell anyone else."
no subject
Date: 2018-07-11 11:42 am (UTC)He doesn't know why that bothers him so much. Perhaps that, if the kid thinks it's definite, then maybe it could be. Just another case of fate chewing up the people caught in its gears. And... that brings to question how much she remembers. He doesn't want her to remember that, the gruesome details of what exactly happened. He doesn't want that image in his head himself.
He folds his arms and frowns at the floor. "People here have said they've died before. Not like... you, or even me, but in whatever worlds they were taken to. I was told they got 'brought back' somehow. Like that magician guy did." His head shakes a little. "This place doesn't make sense." And usually he's able to roll with that, just go with the horrible flow like he does in his own life. "This guy not knowing Quincy and that weird skeleton world. I thought Justin was just an annoying jerk before but he mentioned eating souls on the bulletin like it didn't even matter. I'm waiting for him to be like--" Aizen. "--someone else. Or for this world to be some kind of sick game again. I don't know. I don't like this."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-08 01:44 pm (UTC)She reaches out to take his hands, pulling his arms out of the crossed position over his chest. "The way I see it... It doesn't matter if we don't know what this place is about. If we can't do anything about it, then that's all there is. All we really need to do is keep moving forward--right?"
no subject
Date: 2018-08-08 02:01 pm (UTC)She pulls his arms apart and takes his hands in hers, and he looks up and listens. Then laughs a little to himself because she's right.
"Yeah. Yeah of course we do. No point in stopping and wallowing, we keep going. Like we always do." That's something solid. That's something that's theirs, their family's. It's the old man's and even his. That's something to hang onto. He hangs onto her hands. "I guess it's been a while since I could put that to use. Next time I'll remember."
no subject
Date: 2018-08-09 05:40 pm (UTC)"Good. But if you don't, I'll be here to remind you." She squeezes his hands.
no subject
Date: 2018-08-09 06:26 pm (UTC)That's more than enough.