"I do want that. But saying there shouldn't be an issue isn't enough." Because clearly there was an issue not fifteen minutes ago. She can't put this to rest until she knows it's not going to come up again and result in a fight.
"I need you to promise me: No threats. No fights." She doesn't know how he's going to react to that, so she continues on quickly. "If you're defending yourself or something--that's different, but I can't condone you starting it. Can you at least do that much for me?"
It sounds more helpless than he'd like. He shakes his head, folds his arms, and looks down.
"I am a weapon," He repeats. "I'm Ichigo's destructive power. Fighting is everything I am. I couldn't even tell you about starting it cause I still think he did! I can stay away from everyone. I can stay in that house or go to the very edges of this world. It's not like I need anything. But that's the best I can do. Whether you condone it or not, this is what I am."
He is a weapon, he says. It's everything that he is. She can't deny that's a problem for the both of them. But telling him that he can't go outside, can't interact with the town--or worse that he has to live somewhere where no one can find him... It feels suffocating. It feels cruel--though she's not sure if it's worse for him or for her. He might think that's a better solution, but at the end of the day, she doesn't want him to leave.
She puts her head down into her hand, her fingers rubbing against her temples. Her other hand rests against her hip. Is that selfish of her? Maybe. But she doesn't want to send away the only connection to her home world.
"If you lash out at someone, I'm going to have to stop you." Her tone almost matches his in helplessness. How, she's not sure, but she can see exactly how that situation would play out in her mind. If he attacked another villager, even if they were the one to provoke him first, she would have to be there. She wouldn't be able to stand by and let a fight like that take place.
"There has to be something we can agree to. Some kind of compromise that doesn't involve you disappearing to some distant edge of the village." She lowers her hand, looking up at him again, her brows knitted together. Her voice is quieter, when she adds: "I don't want to fight with you."
It wouldn't be that bad, he thinks. It's still more than the inner world could ever be. He's not interested in people, so, being near them isn't really a priority. He can just live, on his own, without ever having to deal with them.
It's a better solution than being told his time with her is up already.
He's never seen her this stressed. He doesn't know what to do with it.
"Fine," He says, mildly. But she soon follows up her words. He frowns. "You could try and trust me when I say have no interest in talking to anyone and won't seek it where I can? I don't like people. And I'm well in the practice of not speaking to anybody." He's the one who offers it, but it sounds sarcastic even from him. Trust? Ha! That was unlikely.
He adds, unhappily, "I'm not just going to hunt people down in the night and cut throats for the hell of it. That's not a fight. And I've never eaten anybody so it wouldn't be for that reason either."
She could trust him, he says, but she just frowns. It's not that she doesn't trust him. But he's already proven that untrue. Not with Stephen and John, but with the other two that she saw him conversing with. She doesn't need to know what they were talking about to know that he didn't hate talking to them. It was written in the way that he moved.
"I don't know what to expect from you," she says instead, like it's an explanation for all of the assumptions that she's already made. "I've never met a Zanpakuto before. And you're the-- ...The first hollow that I've ever wanted to talk to." The word is hard to get out. It's even harder to look at him when she says it. It sounds strange. It feels wrong.
She makes no mention of his relation to her son.
"If you say that you won't do those things, then I'll believe you." He doesn't have any reason to lie to her that she can tell. He doesn't seem to like this situation any more than she does.
He wouldn't count that. That was just a fluke, something brought by the fact that they went there for a purpose. One of them he got information out of. Even if it did count, even if he had sought them out-- which he hadn't-- it wouldn't change that none of it's going to matter. He's not going to be paling around with anybody in the inner world.
She gives her confession, and it's not as if he couldn't have guessed. But she actually says the word "hollow" and that, well, it's something even with her looking away like that. She doesn't bring up the third ingredient there. Neither does he.
"...Alright. So we're fine then?" He says it like a question. He keeps talking. "It's not like you've been doing anything particularly wrong. The rule book on hollows is "aim for the head" and it's not like Ichigo or I went to some shinigami school or had a chat with any other zanpakuto. We just figure out as we go. All of us."
Are they fine? She doesn't know. She didn't exactly get a promise out of him. There's no assurance that something won't come up again. At times this relationship feels so easy and natural--and then moments like this are so fraught with discord that she doesn't know how to fix it.
But he mentions figuring it out as they go. Together. And whether he means to or not, she hears optimism in his words. She can't disagree with that.
"...Yeah. We'll figure it out." Her shoulders relax just a bit, her brow smoothing a few lines of worry away. There has to be a way to keep the peace while they're here, and they'll find it. Somehow.
It's good enough, is what he gathers. Not good but good enough. And as far as he's concerned, that might as well just be good.
There's nothing she could do to fix anything. That fact that what's here works at all is enough.
His own shoulders relax a little. He breathes a sigh.
"I got some things you might like to hear, in that case," He says. "A lady there, calls herself Miwa and says she's Zephyr's aunt. According to her, helping Zephyr is the only obstacle. We won't have to worry about any other gods getting in the way. I've also learned of something a little further from the goal. A tree here in town which lets people live memories. And share them. I was thinking I'd test it out and, if it worked, then maybe..."
He'd meant to present it as more of a surprise, but things still feel rather rocky at the moment.
He moves on to discussing information, and it leaves her feeling like there's still things left unsaid. But she leaves them for now, if only because she knows that she can't force them out of him. Trying to do so would probably just get them fighting again.
Instead, she tries to focus on the things that he says. A woman called Miwa. And Zephyr. She didn't realize that worrying about other gods was even a concern on the table, but it's good that there's no issue there. Their goal is still mostly simple and straightforward: Help Zephyr so that they can go home.
And with home on her mind, he mentions a tree that shares memories. The way that he brings it up now... It almost sounds like a kind of apology, to fill the space of the one that he never gave.
"...Then maybe you could show me more?" More of her family. How they've changed. How they've grown. All of the pieces that she missed while she was gone.
"Everything," He says. "All of it if you wanted. That Ichigo was around and conscious for, anyway. You could see what I've told you about for yourself. You could see what he's like. And Karin and Yuzu too."
A whole string of life after her and before himself. He wonders how it will look, how it will feel.
"The only parts I don't have are when we were separated in that other world. I don't know what he did when we were apart." He doesn't know what Ichigo's doing now. It surprises him how much he dislikes the disconnect.
"So, if you have something particular in mind, I can show you that first. Once I've worked it out."
It's too tempting of a peace offer for her to stay upset. She doesn't want to keep holding onto this feeling when her heart is yearning to hear about her family. Reluctantly, she gives in and lets him brush their troubles under the rug for the moment.
"I don't know. I don't know where we would even start." She wants to see everything. If she could, she would spend the next several years simply watching each moment that she missed. Or at least the parts of Ichigo's life that she wasn't there for. It's not everything, but it's still so much.
He says everything but he probably wouldn't enjoy reliving life in its entirety. It's more that, he can't think of anything to hide. Ichigo probably wouldn't want all his memories spilled, but Ichigo could get over himself.
"I guess we could think about it," He says. "Probably nothing to do with Shinigami stuff, you seemed pretty nervous about that before. I could show you highschool or something. Middleschool sucked until Chad was there but I could show you that too. One of Karin's soccer games. One of those shows Yuzu likes-- we went to see one once, but it was stupid and we kind of crashed it when a hollow showed up."
Chad--she doesn't know that name, but she assumes it's one of Ichigo's friends. Karin's soccer games, Yuzu's shows... Everything he says just highlights how much she doesn't know about her children. And despite the nervousness that he mentions, she can't help wanting to see Soul Society through his eyes as well. That's not something that she would have normally seen, but she's always wondered...
"Would you want to see anything?" she asks, the thought just occurring to her. "I could show you my memories, too. Right?"
He blinks at her, surprised, and it's clear for all he's talked of sharing memories, filling her in even before this memory tree was an option, it's never once occurred that it could go both ways. His mouth opens but nothing comes out.
He looks down. He can't help wondering if that's not somewhat pointless.
"You probably could. I can't see why not. But... would it really matter? I can't pass things to Ichigo like that. I have his memories but he doesn't get mine. He couldn't use anything. I can't use anything Quincy based, and I already know about... that thing, more or less." There's nothing to use in battle. And everything else is just life he's not going to have. Does he really want more of that? His brows furrow, eyes close, and he runs a hand through his hair. "I guess if there was something worthwhile you thought I should see. But you'd be wasting on me. You could just tell Ichigo the story later."
Would it really matter? He explains away the reasons like she could only want to show him things to pass them on to Ichigo. Not because he might want to see them himself. Her brows lift at him.
"I didn't mean for it to be something that you pass to Ichigo. You're doing all of this for me. If there's anything that you want to see, I thought that I could offer. There doesn't have to be a reason."
"I told you, you don't owe me anything," He says. He does what he wants and does what he's supposed to do. She wouldn't have to be filled in on what she missed if she'd been able to be there. She would be there if--
"I don't know," He says softer. "I used to think you were just a normal human. And Dad too. Except for the thing I mentioned, I really don't know anything about either of you." He ponders, quiet, for an even longer moment. "Have you ever been somewhere you didn't take Ichigo to? Somewhere new. Outside or a building, it doesn't matter. Just... new. Interesting."
A place that she's never taken Ichigo before. That's a hard one, to be honest. "...It would have to be before he was born." She's gone almost everywhere with him since then at one time or another. But then that doesn't leave much else...
"I could show you my college--or my high school, when I was a girl. Those were still pretty normal, though." There's always her training in the Ishida household... "I could show you some Quincy stuff, if you really want to see it? It's mostly training--unless you wanted to watch me fight hollows."
There's a flicker of a smirk at that. So she's taken him everywhere she went. He'd thought as much.
He shrugs his shoulders. "Sure. Who doesn't love a good hollow hunt?" He sounds amused. He sighs then. "It's been so long since we've seen anything. I feel could almost forget what it was like. I could probably stand a college lecture or two. Maybe a Quincy one." As long it wasn't boring or the sort to make his eyes roll.
"Well, there were a lot of those..." Quincy lectures, she means. She smiles a little, trying for humor. "I think if they could have lectured the skill into me, that probably would have been preferable."
Because otherwise, she'd been fairly terrible at it.
"I don't have a lot of experiences with Quincies but from the one I did know of, I can tell you, I got a really clear image of what I expected the rest to be like and boring lectures that never end or get to the point sound pretty much like it," He says with a grin. He pauses, then adds, "Also, stupid clothes. They didn't force you into any of that did they?"
She blinks at him, confused for a moment, before the realization dawns on her. "Wait, you mean the traditional clothes? We only wore those for ceremonies... Is there someone running around in that?" She looks like she's a little bewildered by that fact.
"Is he an older gentlemen?" It certainly wouldn't be Ryuuken himself. Maybe his father? She hadn't seem him in ages, but she's certain that he was still around somewhere. Or it could be any number of the Gemischt...
Oh? So Ishida's an embarrassment unto himself? That's hysterical. That she thinks he must be an old man is enough to garner a laugh from him.
"This guy? Well, he's about as stuck up as one," He says. He shakes his head. "But no. He's in our grade. Our class actually. Didn't notice him until after we became a shinigami and he thought the best thing to do would be to challenge us head on."
"Oh!" Masaki's hand comes up to cover her mouth. She looks a little embarrassed by her assumption--but that doesn't last too long. If it's someone in Ichigo's class, then there's only one person it could be.
"Is that... Ryuuken's son?" He's the only person that age that might also be a Quincy, though the last she'd heard of Ryuuken, he wasn't keen on passing down his heritage. "I didn't realize that he'd been training him..."
"Who the hell is Ryuuken?" He asks immediately. Obviously a quincy but--
"The guy I knew called himself The Last Quincy. He mentioned having some old teacher who trained him, but he's never talked about any family asides then. I kind of assumed the 'last' bit meant something. Though I guess, considering nobody knew about you, that might not mean anything afterall."
"Ryuuken Ishida." She's mention him before, but only briefly. He probably doesn't remember. She didn't really elaborate at the time who he was. But the mention of being the Last Quincy does catch her up a bit. There's a flash of guilt in her expression before she's pushing it aside and moving forward.
"He's my cousin--Well, distant cousin. But I stayed with his family, when I lost my parents. The Quincy you know must be his son, Uryuu." And the teacher is probably Ryuuken's father. As far as she knows, Ryuuken didn't have any interest in continuing with Quincy traditions. Not after what happened between them.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-05-02 06:42 pm (UTC)"I need you to promise me: No threats. No fights." She doesn't know how he's going to react to that, so she continues on quickly. "If you're defending yourself or something--that's different, but I can't condone you starting it. Can you at least do that much for me?"
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Date: 2018-05-02 07:15 pm (UTC)It sounds more helpless than he'd like. He shakes his head, folds his arms, and looks down.
"I am a weapon," He repeats. "I'm Ichigo's destructive power. Fighting is everything I am. I couldn't even tell you about starting it cause I still think he did! I can stay away from everyone. I can stay in that house or go to the very edges of this world. It's not like I need anything. But that's the best I can do. Whether you condone it or not, this is what I am."
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Date: 2018-05-02 08:55 pm (UTC)She puts her head down into her hand, her fingers rubbing against her temples. Her other hand rests against her hip. Is that selfish of her? Maybe. But she doesn't want to send away the only connection to her home world.
"If you lash out at someone, I'm going to have to stop you." Her tone almost matches his in helplessness. How, she's not sure, but she can see exactly how that situation would play out in her mind. If he attacked another villager, even if they were the one to provoke him first, she would have to be there. She wouldn't be able to stand by and let a fight like that take place.
"There has to be something we can agree to. Some kind of compromise that doesn't involve you disappearing to some distant edge of the village." She lowers her hand, looking up at him again, her brows knitted together. Her voice is quieter, when she adds: "I don't want to fight with you."
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Date: 2018-05-02 09:12 pm (UTC)It's a better solution than being told his time with her is up already.
He's never seen her this stressed. He doesn't know what to do with it.
"Fine," He says, mildly. But she soon follows up her words. He frowns. "You could try and trust me when I say have no interest in talking to anyone and won't seek it where I can? I don't like people. And I'm well in the practice of not speaking to anybody." He's the one who offers it, but it sounds sarcastic even from him. Trust? Ha! That was unlikely.
He adds, unhappily, "I'm not just going to hunt people down in the night and cut throats for the hell of it. That's not a fight. And I've never eaten anybody so it wouldn't be for that reason either."
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Date: 2018-05-02 10:39 pm (UTC)"I don't know what to expect from you," she says instead, like it's an explanation for all of the assumptions that she's already made. "I've never met a Zanpakuto before. And you're the-- ...The first hollow that I've ever wanted to talk to." The word is hard to get out. It's even harder to look at him when she says it. It sounds strange. It feels wrong.
She makes no mention of his relation to her son.
"If you say that you won't do those things, then I'll believe you." He doesn't have any reason to lie to her that she can tell. He doesn't seem to like this situation any more than she does.
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Date: 2018-05-02 11:17 pm (UTC)She gives her confession, and it's not as if he couldn't have guessed. But she actually says the word "hollow" and that, well, it's something even with her looking away like that. She doesn't bring up the third ingredient there. Neither does he.
"...Alright. So we're fine then?" He says it like a question. He keeps talking. "It's not like you've been doing anything particularly wrong. The rule book on hollows is "aim for the head" and it's not like Ichigo or I went to some shinigami school or had a chat with any other zanpakuto. We just figure out as we go. All of us."
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Date: 2018-05-02 11:39 pm (UTC)But he mentions figuring it out as they go. Together. And whether he means to or not, she hears optimism in his words. She can't disagree with that.
"...Yeah. We'll figure it out." Her shoulders relax just a bit, her brow smoothing a few lines of worry away. There has to be a way to keep the peace while they're here, and they'll find it. Somehow.
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Date: 2018-05-03 12:09 am (UTC)There's nothing she could do to fix anything. That fact that what's here works at all is enough.
His own shoulders relax a little. He breathes a sigh.
"I got some things you might like to hear, in that case," He says. "A lady there, calls herself Miwa and says she's Zephyr's aunt. According to her, helping Zephyr is the only obstacle. We won't have to worry about any other gods getting in the way. I've also learned of something a little further from the goal. A tree here in town which lets people live memories. And share them. I was thinking I'd test it out and, if it worked, then maybe..."
He'd meant to present it as more of a surprise, but things still feel rather rocky at the moment.
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Date: 2018-05-03 12:27 am (UTC)Instead, she tries to focus on the things that he says. A woman called Miwa. And Zephyr. She didn't realize that worrying about other gods was even a concern on the table, but it's good that there's no issue there. Their goal is still mostly simple and straightforward: Help Zephyr so that they can go home.
And with home on her mind, he mentions a tree that shares memories. The way that he brings it up now... It almost sounds like a kind of apology, to fill the space of the one that he never gave.
"...Then maybe you could show me more?" More of her family. How they've changed. How they've grown. All of the pieces that she missed while she was gone.
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Date: 2018-05-03 12:36 am (UTC)A whole string of life after her and before himself. He wonders how it will look, how it will feel.
"The only parts I don't have are when we were separated in that other world. I don't know what he did when we were apart." He doesn't know what Ichigo's doing now. It surprises him how much he dislikes the disconnect.
"So, if you have something particular in mind, I can show you that first. Once I've worked it out."
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Date: 2018-05-03 01:36 am (UTC)"I don't know. I don't know where we would even start." She wants to see everything. If she could, she would spend the next several years simply watching each moment that she missed. Or at least the parts of Ichigo's life that she wasn't there for. It's not everything, but it's still so much.
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Date: 2018-05-03 01:57 am (UTC)"I guess we could think about it," He says. "Probably nothing to do with Shinigami stuff, you seemed pretty nervous about that before. I could show you highschool or something. Middleschool sucked until Chad was there but I could show you that too. One of Karin's soccer games. One of those shows Yuzu likes-- we went to see one once, but it was stupid and we kind of crashed it when a hollow showed up."
He shrugs. "There's time."
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Date: 2018-05-03 11:28 pm (UTC)"Would you want to see anything?" she asks, the thought just occurring to her. "I could show you my memories, too. Right?"
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Date: 2018-05-04 12:01 am (UTC)He looks down. He can't help wondering if that's not somewhat pointless.
"You probably could. I can't see why not. But... would it really matter? I can't pass things to Ichigo like that. I have his memories but he doesn't get mine. He couldn't use anything. I can't use anything Quincy based, and I already know about... that thing, more or less." There's nothing to use in battle. And everything else is just life he's not going to have. Does he really want more of that? His brows furrow, eyes close, and he runs a hand through his hair. "I guess if there was something worthwhile you thought I should see. But you'd be wasting on me. You could just tell Ichigo the story later."
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Date: 2018-05-04 12:10 am (UTC)"I didn't mean for it to be something that you pass to Ichigo. You're doing all of this for me. If there's anything that you want to see, I thought that I could offer. There doesn't have to be a reason."
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Date: 2018-05-04 12:24 am (UTC)"I don't know," He says softer. "I used to think you were just a normal human. And Dad too. Except for the thing I mentioned, I really don't know anything about either of you." He ponders, quiet, for an even longer moment. "Have you ever been somewhere you didn't take Ichigo to? Somewhere new. Outside or a building, it doesn't matter. Just... new. Interesting."
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Date: 2018-05-04 01:11 am (UTC)"I could show you my college--or my high school, when I was a girl. Those were still pretty normal, though." There's always her training in the Ishida household... "I could show you some Quincy stuff, if you really want to see it? It's mostly training--unless you wanted to watch me fight hollows."
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Date: 2018-05-04 01:37 am (UTC)He shrugs his shoulders. "Sure. Who doesn't love a good hollow hunt?" He sounds amused. He sighs then. "It's been so long since we've seen anything. I feel could almost forget what it was like. I could probably stand a college lecture or two. Maybe a Quincy one." As long it wasn't boring or the sort to make his eyes roll.
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Date: 2018-05-04 02:37 am (UTC)Because otherwise, she'd been fairly terrible at it.
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Date: 2018-05-04 02:49 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2018-05-08 11:33 pm (UTC)She blinks at him, confused for a moment, before the realization dawns on her. "Wait, you mean the traditional clothes? We only wore those for ceremonies... Is there someone running around in that?" She looks like she's a little bewildered by that fact.
"Is he an older gentlemen?" It certainly wouldn't be Ryuuken himself. Maybe his father? She hadn't seem him in ages, but she's certain that he was still around somewhere. Or it could be any number of the Gemischt...
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Date: 2018-05-09 12:39 am (UTC)"This guy? Well, he's about as stuck up as one," He says. He shakes his head. "But no. He's in our grade. Our class actually. Didn't notice him until after we became a shinigami and he thought the best thing to do would be to challenge us head on."
The idiot. Hadn't learned much.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 01:04 am (UTC)"Is that... Ryuuken's son?" He's the only person that age that might also be a Quincy, though the last she'd heard of Ryuuken, he wasn't keen on passing down his heritage. "I didn't realize that he'd been training him..."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 11:30 am (UTC)"The guy I knew called himself The Last Quincy. He mentioned having some old teacher who trained him, but he's never talked about any family asides then. I kind of assumed the 'last' bit meant something. Though I guess, considering nobody knew about you, that might not mean anything afterall."
He doesn't know what she's embarrassed for.
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Date: 2018-05-09 03:02 pm (UTC)"Ryuuken Ishida." She's mention him before, but only briefly. He probably doesn't remember. She didn't really elaborate at the time who he was. But the mention of being the Last Quincy does catch her up a bit. There's a flash of guilt in her expression before she's pushing it aside and moving forward.
"He's my cousin--Well, distant cousin. But I stayed with his family, when I lost my parents. The Quincy you know must be his son, Uryuu." And the teacher is probably Ryuuken's father. As far as she knows, Ryuuken didn't have any interest in continuing with Quincy traditions. Not after what happened between them.
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