He says he doesn't want to know anymore, but Masaki is already too flustered not to explain.
"It's not as bad as it sounds! Ryuuken and I... We're still close friends. He's a good man, and I appreciate everything he's done for me, but... I think I broke his heart." Or broke his dreams for the future. She's really not sure which it is, but either way she knows that she hurt him. "That's why I said before... I don't want to be any more unkind to him than I already have been."
"What? Are you kidding?!" He could almost laugh with his disbelief but he doesn't, just stares at her utterly boggled. She's not kidding. He knows she's not. But he still can't wrap his head around it.
"Screw his broken heart! Did he even ask you before you went into this? Did anyone!? You made it sound like he bent over backwards for you, not that you had a guilty conscience because you decided to live your own life! You don't owe him that! It's your life! You can't really believe that was some kind of unkindness on your part."
"It's not like that," she quickly to counter, her own defensiveness rising. "He protected me, more times than I can count. His mother was a very strict woman, and I was... not so great at being a Quincy back then. She was often disappointed with me, and he shielded me from that."
That's not really the point that she's talking about here, but she can't help but defend Ryuuken. Despite everything that's happened between them, she still has a deep care and respect for the other Quincy. Even if her feelings can't be the way he would have wanted from her.
"When I insisted on helping Isshin, he tried to stop me. Even more than welcoming his mother's ire, he was worried about my safety. I went anyway. And when I collapsed from my injuries then, he was the one who grabbed me. He ran with me to find help--and found Isshin again. They would have been enemies any other day, but that day, they saved me. Together. I'm never not going to be grateful for that."
Oh great, he wants to argue, he protected her from his tyrannical mother. How generous of him to take the blows so she would stay a little longer somewhere it's sounding like she didn't want to be to do something she didn't want to do. He is just bursting with new sympathy for this asshole.
The expression on his face, the breath he pulls, all of it tells of the angry rebuttal she's about to get. It dies in his throat.
Helping Dad. Because he-- the hollow, had attacked. Right. No matter what this Ryuuken did to her, what Dad did to him, they're never going to be the bad guy of the tale. It always comes back to this; the hollow and the whole.
His presses to a line. He breathes out and forces his shoulders to drop, even as his brows remain knotted. "...Alright. Fine." He looks away, arms folded. "So you're close but it's not a come-over-for-dinner sort of close. I understand. That's all I was wondering." He moves, not wanting to face her, wondering what he can do now to change the topic. He supposes he could just leave. But...
She's said something wrong. What it is, she's not entirely sure. All she knows is that one second, he'd been combative and the next he was backing down, turning his back to her. She feels a little off balance from the sudden exit, like one of the supports she was leaning on had just suddenly vanished.
She bites back the urge to apologize. That would probably just make him even less happy. She's caught on that he doesn't seem to like that from her. So she offers an olive branch in another manner.
"There's Isshin's side of the family as well," she starts, soft and slow. "All Shinigamis, so I've never met any of them, but... I don't know who you met in Soul Society. Was... there anyone from the Shiba clan?"
He turns as she starts to speak again. It's so strange how, before she'd given indication otherwise, it never really occurred to him (as himself or as Ichigo) to consider any family beyond. Now they're tracing lines across worlds.
His reaction is far more muted than it might've been a moment ago, but there's still definitely a reaction. A laugh, followed by another, almost helpless the way it comes out. He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head with disbelief.
"Yeah, there was. Kukaku and Ganju. Former helped us past the Seireitei with a canon, latter came with us when we started fighting our way pas the Shinigami." Dad's a Shiba. That actually explained some things in retrospect. "Ganju and Ishida were there fighting when we were. Dammit, I can't believe this whole time..."
They'd had no idea. None of them. Maybe Yoruichi, definitely Urahara, but...
Kukaku and Ganju. Those names are unfamiliar to her, but she listens as he explains their roles. She smiles a little as he expresses his bewilderment. Unlike the mention of the Ishidas, he seems... less aggravated by this revelation.
Gradually, she finds a seat at the dinner table. Her attention remains on him, but she allows herself to pull out a chair and sink into it. "What are they like? Kukaku and Ganju? I've never met anyone from Isshin's family." He's mentioned a little bit about his former life, but those names in particular had never come up.
Well if she's sitting, he might as well join her. He chooses a seat across from her.
"I could probably show you that too, eventually," He points out. Then says, "They're... loud. They live in house with a big stupid banner over held up by these giant fake arms. Apparently they cause trouble and make fireworks. Kukaku's the one in charge of it all. Missing an arm, kicks the ass of anyone who doesn't listen to her, Ichigo finds her kind of intimidating. Ganju's the younger brother, real weird guy, rides around on a pig with his dumbass gang. Tried to fight Ichigo cause he hated shinigami. Apparently they had a brother, guy became a shinigami and got killed. A little in spite and a little because, they decided to help us break through the barrier. Ganju hung around with us for a bit but we kind of lost track of him about when we started fighting captains." A pause. "He lived though. Ichigo hung out with him after we won against soul society but before going back home."
The fact that her son finds a woman intimidating should not be as funny to her as it is, and yet she can't help grinning. It's painfully cute. She sounds like a fun kind of woman--and exactly the sort of person that she's imagine Isshin being related to. But the same also goes for Ganju. Riding around on a pig... Ridiculousness is apparently something that runs in the family.
But the mention of fighting captains wipes the grin from her face again. "I'm suddenly reminded why I don't ask about your Soul Society escapades," she laughs, a little strained. At least she doesn't freak out this time. But she does move the conversation in a slightly different direction.
"...Isshin used to be a captain, too. Did he tell you that?"
Ridiculousness definitely ran in that family, and in retrospect, he can see the resemblance in other ways too. She seems to be getting a kick out of it. At least for a little while.
He raises a brow at the strain of her laugh but his expression quickly becomes a scowl as she brings up Dad again.
"Chh. No. He didn't tell us anything. We just kind of figured it out from the fact he wore a captain's garb. Ichigo didn't even try to make him explain anything when he finally found out, just wrote it off that our father must have had a good reason if he didn't say anything all that time. It's sheer chance that I know anything at all." A chance that came a little too late for making a difference for him. Yeah, he liked the soul society escapades topic better.
There's that bitterness again. She can't help but frown, setting a crease between her brows as she listens to Zangetsu detail how Isshin had kept the truth from them--and how Ichigo hadn't bothered to press the issue. It's one of the few things that he's said that's put a note of pride in her heart for her son. And a small bit of hope with it.
"I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing for him to talk about," she explains, gently. She doesn't know Isshin's reasons for keeping quiet about all of that, but she can take a good guess. "He's never been good about opening up, and after keeping that secret for so long... I'm sure he found it difficult to find the right time to say something. He used to do the same with me." But she always knew how to read his evasiveness, and she could always find a way to make him come around, if it was something important. But without her there, it must have taken him a lot longer to speak up than anyone would have wanted--himself included.
"Oh yeah," He says, his sarcasm biting. "I'm sure it must have been real harrowing for him. How terrible to keep a secret for so long and ending up not even having to say anything at all. I'm sure he was just dying inside when he knowingly hung me out to dry. Poor old Dad."
What had before come out as frustration and annoyance, now reveals itself as a truer, deeper anger. But he clenches his jaw. He forces himself back down and he forces himself to breathe.
He looks away. "Whatever. It doesn't matter now. Knowing them, he'll take whatever secrets he has to the grave and Ichigo won't so much as wonder. I obviously won't say anything--" because he won't be able to. "-- so everything will be just peachy."
It's still weird to hear Zangetsu referring to Isshin as Dad, just as much as hearing him call her Mom. Maybe more. It doesn't match the scathing anger that she hears in those words, and she can't help but defend her absent husband.
"You have to understand... Isshin--He might be a Shinigami. A strong one that's good in combat... But there's a lot of things that he's not good at. He's needed help in so many things. Talking about himself, cooking and cleaning, raising children... Even the clinic when he first started... He was terrible. I really don't know how he managed to stay in business." Probably Urahara pulling the strings where needed. Or Ryuuken offering his distant but steadfast support. But she keeps going, her tone heartfelt.
"For a lot of those things, he looked to me. But one thing he's never needed help with--one thing that he's always been good at is caring about our family." She smiles fondly, but there's a touch of sadness in her tone. "He always promised that if I ever needed him, he would come running--Shinigami powers or not. Without a doubt, he would have taken a hit for any of us if he could. So if he was silent about all of this, then it's not because he didn't care. I'm sure that Ichigo understands that."
She keeps trying to defend him. You have to understand... It feels like he's just supposed to simply understand and forgive all the world and get none of the same courtesy.
He gets it. She loves Dad. Of course she does. Their family stuck together through everything, better or worse. They weren't good at it, but they'd all throw themselves on the line. And when it came to Dad keeping secrets, they'd all just move on and let go.
So she praises him. She talks all about the family he'd never let down, the family he'd always fight for. And she tells it all to the one who's picture is covered by a magnet on the fridge.
"Of course Ichigo understands! When has Ichigo ever had to pay for--" His jaw snaps shut. His eyes squeeze tight and he turns his head away. "I can't talk about this. There's no point trying to convince me either which way. Wait until you're home and then you'll never have to hear me say a word on it again."
Wait until you're home and then you'll never have to hear me say a word on it again. She doesn't like the way he says that. She doesn't begrudge him his feelings--there must be a reason for them, after all. But he sounds like he'll just disappear, and worse that she might be grateful for it.
There's a wall between them that she's not sure what to do with. It's her word against his, and he has no reason to believe her.
It also doesn't escape her notice that he's holding himself back, clipping short a remark about Ichigo that she can only guess at.
"If you say so," she responds unhappily, resignation deep in her tone. It's not a satisfactory conclusion for either of them, but she's not sure they'll find a way to reach one as things are right now.
She sounds unhappy. For a moment it brings him to falter, looking back at her and unravelling just a little.
"Mom, I..." But he has nothing more than that. His mouth shuts and he goes silent again. He turns just a little more from her.
Then with enough time, "I'm the only one who's not on board for... anything. When you go back, you're not going to find some splintered family or anything. Everyone's fine with each other. And everyone else is fine with them. No more shinigami war, no business with hueco mundo, none of that. Everything's..." Painfully, horribly empty. "... quiet. So you don't have to worry."
He wishes he had his mask, he thinks for the thousandth time. And right on it's trail is the thought that maybe... maybe he should leave.
He talks of not finding a splintered family, even though the thought had never crossed her mind. It's a bit of a surprise that he chooses to make that assumption. One that she tries to delicately correct.
"I wasn't worried about them," she tells him, gently. It feels like such a heavy, telling silence that stretches between them. If not them, then there's few options left for her to worry about.
But she breaks that silence by pushing out her chair and getting to her feet. "I should get started on our dinner," she explains, using it as a means to excuse herself from the table--and him from the topic if he wants it. "What would you like tonight?"
She wants his opinion to change. She wants him to understand. But really, it shouldn't matter at all what he thinks. About anything. None of it is going to have impact, at least not in the long run. She doesn't see that now, but maybe in time she will. If she's not worried about them it must be that, but there's no reason to worry at all.
But he doesn't want to explain that now. He doesn't want to sit in silence either.
She gets up, asking what he'd like and he blinks. "...I don't know. It doesn't matter. Do what you want to I gu--"
There's a knock at the door and he rises up. That's right. He remembers now.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 06:14 pm (UTC)"It's not as bad as it sounds! Ryuuken and I... We're still close friends. He's a good man, and I appreciate everything he's done for me, but... I think I broke his heart." Or broke his dreams for the future. She's really not sure which it is, but either way she knows that she hurt him. "That's why I said before... I don't want to be any more unkind to him than I already have been."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 06:29 pm (UTC)"Screw his broken heart! Did he even ask you before you went into this? Did anyone!? You made it sound like he bent over backwards for you, not that you had a guilty conscience because you decided to live your own life! You don't owe him that! It's your life! You can't really believe that was some kind of unkindness on your part."
Can she? Probably.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 07:45 pm (UTC)That's not really the point that she's talking about here, but she can't help but defend Ryuuken. Despite everything that's happened between them, she still has a deep care and respect for the other Quincy. Even if her feelings can't be the way he would have wanted from her.
"When I insisted on helping Isshin, he tried to stop me. Even more than welcoming his mother's ire, he was worried about my safety. I went anyway. And when I collapsed from my injuries then, he was the one who grabbed me. He ran with me to find help--and found Isshin again. They would have been enemies any other day, but that day, they saved me. Together. I'm never not going to be grateful for that."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-09 08:16 pm (UTC)The expression on his face, the breath he pulls, all of it tells of the angry rebuttal she's about to get. It dies in his throat.
Helping Dad. Because he-- the hollow, had attacked. Right. No matter what this Ryuuken did to her, what Dad did to him, they're never going to be the bad guy of the tale. It always comes back to this; the hollow and the whole.
His presses to a line. He breathes out and forces his shoulders to drop, even as his brows remain knotted. "...Alright. Fine." He looks away, arms folded. "So you're close but it's not a come-over-for-dinner sort of close. I understand. That's all I was wondering." He moves, not wanting to face her, wondering what he can do now to change the topic. He supposes he could just leave. But...
no subject
Date: 2018-05-10 12:50 am (UTC)She bites back the urge to apologize. That would probably just make him even less happy. She's caught on that he doesn't seem to like that from her. So she offers an olive branch in another manner.
"There's Isshin's side of the family as well," she starts, soft and slow. "All Shinigamis, so I've never met any of them, but... I don't know who you met in Soul Society. Was... there anyone from the Shiba clan?"
no subject
Date: 2018-05-10 01:22 am (UTC)His reaction is far more muted than it might've been a moment ago, but there's still definitely a reaction. A laugh, followed by another, almost helpless the way it comes out. He runs a hand through his hair and shakes his head with disbelief.
"Yeah, there was. Kukaku and Ganju. Former helped us past the Seireitei with a canon, latter came with us when we started fighting our way pas the Shinigami." Dad's a Shiba. That actually explained some things in retrospect. "Ganju and Ishida were there fighting when we were. Dammit, I can't believe this whole time..."
They'd had no idea. None of them. Maybe Yoruichi, definitely Urahara, but...
no subject
Date: 2018-05-10 07:27 pm (UTC)Gradually, she finds a seat at the dinner table. Her attention remains on him, but she allows herself to pull out a chair and sink into it. "What are they like? Kukaku and Ganju? I've never met anyone from Isshin's family." He's mentioned a little bit about his former life, but those names in particular had never come up.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-10 08:10 pm (UTC)"I could probably show you that too, eventually," He points out. Then says, "They're... loud. They live in house with a big stupid banner over held up by these giant fake arms. Apparently they cause trouble and make fireworks. Kukaku's the one in charge of it all. Missing an arm, kicks the ass of anyone who doesn't listen to her, Ichigo finds her kind of intimidating. Ganju's the younger brother, real weird guy, rides around on a pig with his dumbass gang. Tried to fight Ichigo cause he hated shinigami. Apparently they had a brother, guy became a shinigami and got killed. A little in spite and a little because, they decided to help us break through the barrier. Ganju hung around with us for a bit but we kind of lost track of him about when we started fighting captains." A pause. "He lived though. Ichigo hung out with him after we won against soul society but before going back home."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-11 01:46 pm (UTC)But the mention of fighting captains wipes the grin from her face again. "I'm suddenly reminded why I don't ask about your Soul Society escapades," she laughs, a little strained. At least she doesn't freak out this time. But she does move the conversation in a slightly different direction.
"...Isshin used to be a captain, too. Did he tell you that?"
no subject
Date: 2018-05-11 02:08 pm (UTC)He raises a brow at the strain of her laugh but his expression quickly becomes a scowl as she brings up Dad again.
"Chh. No. He didn't tell us anything. We just kind of figured it out from the fact he wore a captain's garb. Ichigo didn't even try to make him explain anything when he finally found out, just wrote it off that our father must have had a good reason if he didn't say anything all that time. It's sheer chance that I know anything at all." A chance that came a little too late for making a difference for him. Yeah, he liked the soul society escapades topic better.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-21 10:37 pm (UTC)"I'm sure it wasn't an easy thing for him to talk about," she explains, gently. She doesn't know Isshin's reasons for keeping quiet about all of that, but she can take a good guess. "He's never been good about opening up, and after keeping that secret for so long... I'm sure he found it difficult to find the right time to say something. He used to do the same with me." But she always knew how to read his evasiveness, and she could always find a way to make him come around, if it was something important. But without her there, it must have taken him a lot longer to speak up than anyone would have wanted--himself included.
no subject
Date: 2018-05-21 11:06 pm (UTC)What had before come out as frustration and annoyance, now reveals itself as a truer, deeper anger. But he clenches his jaw. He forces himself back down and he forces himself to breathe.
He looks away. "Whatever. It doesn't matter now. Knowing them, he'll take whatever secrets he has to the grave and Ichigo won't so much as wonder. I obviously won't say anything--" because he won't be able to. "-- so everything will be just peachy."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-21 11:22 pm (UTC)"You have to understand... Isshin--He might be a Shinigami. A strong one that's good in combat... But there's a lot of things that he's not good at. He's needed help in so many things. Talking about himself, cooking and cleaning, raising children... Even the clinic when he first started... He was terrible. I really don't know how he managed to stay in business." Probably Urahara pulling the strings where needed. Or Ryuuken offering his distant but steadfast support. But she keeps going, her tone heartfelt.
"For a lot of those things, he looked to me. But one thing he's never needed help with--one thing that he's always been good at is caring about our family." She smiles fondly, but there's a touch of sadness in her tone. "He always promised that if I ever needed him, he would come running--Shinigami powers or not. Without a doubt, he would have taken a hit for any of us if he could. So if he was silent about all of this, then it's not because he didn't care. I'm sure that Ichigo understands that."
no subject
Date: 2018-05-21 11:39 pm (UTC)He gets it. She loves Dad. Of course she does. Their family stuck together through everything, better or worse. They weren't good at it, but they'd all throw themselves on the line. And when it came to Dad keeping secrets, they'd all just move on and let go.
So she praises him. She talks all about the family he'd never let down, the family he'd always fight for. And she tells it all to the one who's picture is covered by a magnet on the fridge.
"Of course Ichigo understands! When has Ichigo ever had to pay for--" His jaw snaps shut. His eyes squeeze tight and he turns his head away. "I can't talk about this. There's no point trying to convince me either which way. Wait until you're home and then you'll never have to hear me say a word on it again."
no subject
Date: 2018-06-13 09:49 pm (UTC)There's a wall between them that she's not sure what to do with. It's her word against his, and he has no reason to believe her.
It also doesn't escape her notice that he's holding himself back, clipping short a remark about Ichigo that she can only guess at.
"If you say so," she responds unhappily, resignation deep in her tone. It's not a satisfactory conclusion for either of them, but she's not sure they'll find a way to reach one as things are right now.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-13 10:36 pm (UTC)"Mom, I..." But he has nothing more than that. His mouth shuts and he goes silent again. He turns just a little more from her.
Then with enough time, "I'm the only one who's not on board for... anything. When you go back, you're not going to find some splintered family or anything. Everyone's fine with each other. And everyone else is fine with them. No more shinigami war, no business with hueco mundo, none of that. Everything's..." Painfully, horribly empty. "... quiet. So you don't have to worry."
He wishes he had his mask, he thinks for the thousandth time. And right on it's trail is the thought that maybe... maybe he should leave.
no subject
Date: 2018-06-13 10:46 pm (UTC)"I wasn't worried about them," she tells him, gently. It feels like such a heavy, telling silence that stretches between them. If not them, then there's few options left for her to worry about.
But she breaks that silence by pushing out her chair and getting to her feet. "I should get started on our dinner," she explains, using it as a means to excuse herself from the table--and him from the topic if he wants it. "What would you like tonight?"
no subject
Date: 2018-06-13 11:20 pm (UTC)But he doesn't want to explain that now. He doesn't want to sit in silence either.
She gets up, asking what he'd like and he blinks. "...I don't know. It doesn't matter. Do what you want to I gu--"
There's a knock at the door and he rises up. That's right. He remembers now.
He'll take care of this.