"Could find a way to make it believable," He starts, muttering. And they could. They'd just need to make something of a show of it. It wouldn't be hard. He'd be himself. She'd get afraid. It would be natural and easy. Everyone would see it as her being betrayed and coming to her senses.
But he forgets that as she goes on. At first it's little more than a sickening twist of shame. Then they can protect you. He shouldn't need protecting. He doesn't want anyone else to protect him. He's escaped the suffocation of Ichigo's life, but he still feels the helplessness clawing him, trying to drag him back down to drown. He wants power.
And he wants her to be safe. That much she offers, getting him to look up, brows unwinding just a little. "I guess I can try then," He concedes, more defeated than hopeful, but still. "I'll try and... I don't know. Be a part of this. But I still don't think it's going to work. I'm not made to connect to people like you can. Even if I somehow manage it, that's not much of a good thing for them either. I'd rather stay away from them all."
"I know you would... That's why I'm proud of you for doing this anyway." She smiles at him, hoping that he gratitude shows through enough for him to see it. It's the first time that she's really had reason to hope that she might be ab;e to find her little boy inside the person that stands in front of her now.
"Connecting with others isn't easy, but it makes me happy that you're willing to try. That's all I can ask." Even if it doesn't work out, she's still glad for his trust in her. "We'll figure out the rest with Zephyr."
He only has to try for as long as they're here. Then, he reminds himself, he doesn't have to bother with it anymore. And funny that, it actually gives him something to look forward to in going back. No people. No frustrations. No further aggravated hunger.
Her gratitude is hard to look at. Whenever he catches sight of it, his eyes dart away. Like sunshine just a little too bright. She'll figure it out sooner or later-- that he can't, that it doesn't matter, that trying to make him into a watered down better version of himself is pointless. She can't hope forever.
The affirmation that she gets back is mute, and she's not really surprised by that. It's a heavy conversation that they've just had, and he must be tired emotionally from trying to sort through it all. So very carefully, she takes his hands and pulls him closer until she can reach up to wrap her arms around him, hugging him tight to her chest.
"Thank you... for trying so much. I know I ask a lot of you."
Emotionally tired would be apt, even if it isn't the words he'd think to jump to. Acknowledging it would probably just make him feel all the more tired. He can't say what she does or says really eases it much.
He's pulled close, pulled in and wrapped up, held to her and it aches and aches. But her embrace is warm and soft and for every bit his mind races to come up with some justifiable betrayal, he can't help thinking she wouldn't.
His hands shake as they rise up around her back and he holds her tighter than she does him. He swallows hard, keeping his jaw tight until he comes to say, "Whatever it takes. For you, and Ichigo. If it's what I've got to do, I'll do it."
His breath isn't even or at ease but he doesn't push away yet.
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But he forgets that as she goes on. At first it's little more than a sickening twist of shame. Then they can protect you. He shouldn't need protecting. He doesn't want anyone else to protect him. He's escaped the suffocation of Ichigo's life, but he still feels the helplessness clawing him, trying to drag him back down to drown. He wants power.
And he wants her to be safe. That much she offers, getting him to look up, brows unwinding just a little. "I guess I can try then," He concedes, more defeated than hopeful, but still. "I'll try and... I don't know. Be a part of this. But I still don't think it's going to work. I'm not made to connect to people like you can. Even if I somehow manage it, that's not much of a good thing for them either. I'd rather stay away from them all."
no subject
"Connecting with others isn't easy, but it makes me happy that you're willing to try. That's all I can ask." Even if it doesn't work out, she's still glad for his trust in her. "We'll figure out the rest with Zephyr."
no subject
Her gratitude is hard to look at. Whenever he catches sight of it, his eyes dart away. Like sunshine just a little too bright. She'll figure it out sooner or later-- that he can't, that it doesn't matter, that trying to make him into a watered down better version of himself is pointless. She can't hope forever.
He nods his head almost numbly and says, "Okay."
no subject
"Thank you... for trying so much. I know I ask a lot of you."
no subject
He's pulled close, pulled in and wrapped up, held to her and it aches and aches. But her embrace is warm and soft and for every bit his mind races to come up with some justifiable betrayal, he can't help thinking she wouldn't.
His hands shake as they rise up around her back and he holds her tighter than she does him. He swallows hard, keeping his jaw tight until he comes to say, "Whatever it takes. For you, and Ichigo. If it's what I've got to do, I'll do it."
His breath isn't even or at ease but he doesn't push away yet.